She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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