I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
