Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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