Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
