I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
