if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
