Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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