Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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