does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
