my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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