Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
