Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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