I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
why do cheetos always look like penises
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
