just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
