Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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