Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
