Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
