I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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