you guys were way drunker than both of me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
