All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
