dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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