hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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