My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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