Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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