and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
