We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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