Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
