Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
