Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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