Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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