my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
