3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You were trust falling into bushes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
