absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
