he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
