I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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