Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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