do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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