Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
