I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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