It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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