I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
