VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
