they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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