hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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