i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
