You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
