He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He better not be in your backpack
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
