I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
