You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
