He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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