dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You ruined the universe
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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