On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
