It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I supernannyed him into submission
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