loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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