During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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