there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
