I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found puke in my bra..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
