My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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