i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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