Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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