yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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