Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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