I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
