i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
