Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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