I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
