can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
